Just One Bite, Please England?
by GrouchyMcEyebrows
Summary: A parody of the Spongebob Episode "Just One Bite" / England has never had a McDonald's burger before, this is what happens after he has that first bite UsUk OOC-ness Rated T for England's foul mouth


"Are you sure you don't want any Iggy?" America asked as he took his first bite into his third McDonald's burger. The English nation scowled. Somehow America had shanghaied him into staying at his house while they were having the Allied Powers meetings in America. They were currently eating lunch in his dinning room.

"I told you to stop calling me that and no, I don't want any of that disgusting thing you call a burger." England sighed, watching as America shrugged and continued to eat the Big Mac. He frowned as specks of the half chewed burger flew out of his mouth. "Chew with you mouth closed Git!" He hissed, less then pleased with the scene he was being forced to watch. "I swear I taught you better then this." America pouted and swallowed.

"Don't be so uptight Ig-England," He corrected himself at the last second.

"It's hard when you're eating such a disgusting specimen of food in my face." England rolled his eyes.

America scoffed. "Says the man who even burns cereal! You act like you've never had McDonald's before."

"Never have and never will." England muttered. America was so shocked by the words that he began choking on his burger. He whacked himself on the chest and coughed up the remnants of his burger onto England. The man glared at America as he pulled out a handkerchief and started to clean himself. America drank the rest of his coke in one go to help the rest go down.

"Wh-what did you say?" He gasped now able to breath again.

"I've never had McDonald's and never will." England frowned, not seeing how this was important.

"Are you serious? You've never EVER had McDonald's?" America asked, disbelief written all over his face.

"Yes twat! That's what I'm saying." England growled, annoyed at the fact that America was getting worked up over this.

"What!" He yelled, standing up, grabbing his last Big Mac and running round the table to England. "Well you have to eat one right now!" America grabbed one of England's shoulders and attempted to force feed him.

"L-let go you bloody Git!" England struggled with America's strong grip but eventually managed to worm his way out. "I'm never eating that putrid thing that you call food!" England stormed out of the room and went to try and relax in the living room but America followed him with the burger.

"Come on England! Try it."

"No."

"Half?"

"No.

"One quarter?"

"No!"

"Just one bite?"

"No!" England yelled and ran out of the living room. When he realised America was following him, he made a run for the toilet as it had a lock. However America managed to stop him from closing the door with his strength.

"Just smell it." He smiled encouragingly.

"If I didn't want it out there, what makes you think I'd find it more bloody appealing in here!" He yelled in America's face but this didn't seem to phase the younger nation.

"Please Iggy? Just one bite?" America gave England his best-kicked puppy look. England looked like he might just give in to America's wish but in the end his common sense won out.

"Look I told you no! No leave me alone you bloody wanker!" England pushed past America and walked out the back of the house. Unfortunately America was still following him.

"But it's good for you!" England stopped abruptly.

"G-good for you!" He snapped. "How is that greasy heart attack on a bun good for you!"

"Not good for your health," America chuckled. "Good for your soul." England rolled his eyes again.

"Oh puh-lease! If i believed that I'd be eating it without any qualms." England folded his arms across his chest and stared at America. "Though if you believe that then fairies and unicorns must be real then too?"

"Don't be silly Iggy, those don't exist." England made a mental note to punch America later for that comment. America held the burger out for England again. "Just one bite. He said again. England scowled harder at him and swatted the burger away from his face.

"Listen America, how long are you going to keep this up?" England growled. America reached out and grabbed England's hand in his iron like grip, his face utterly serious.

"Till the day we die." England didn't like how serious America had said this and sighed.

"If I have one bite will you leave me alone?" America nodded eagerly. England snatched the burger from America's hands and held it up. "If I die... stay away from my funeral." America grinned and watched as England slowly lifted the burger to his face. England flinched as some of the mayonnaise dripped down his fingers. "Here I go... Lord help me." He muttered, bringing the burger to his mouth, he took the smallest bite America had ever seen and started to chew. England's eyes lit up when he swallowed and a smile spread over his face. America punched the air in victory.

"I knew you'd like it!" He smiled. "What did you think?"

"What did I think?" England asked, as the smile on his face disappeared. "I think that this burger has got to be... the most horrible! Putrid! Poorly prepared! Vile! Unappetizing! Disgusting excuse for a burger that it has ever been my displeasure to have slither down my throat!" England threw the rest of the burger onto the ground while America watched in horror. "And I curse this Big Mac and all who enjoy them to an early and well deserved grave!" He pointed at the ruined burger on the ground like it was a monster. America looked from England to the burger then back to England, his mouth hung open in shock. "Oh belt up git and spread the word that I hate McDonald's!" England growled. America closed his mouth and shook his head sadly.

"Ok..." He mumbled and walked back inside, clearly disappointed.

England waited till he was sure that America was gone before picking up what was left of the burger. "Oh god I'm sorry!" He whispered and started eating it. "S-so good!" He gasped, ignoring the dirt and grass that had stuck to the edges of the Big Mac. "All the wasted years!" England cried as he finished the rest of the burger. "I can't believe I haven't had one before now!" He licked the mayonnaise off his fingers and hand with relish before looking down at where the burger had been lying on the ground and heaved a heavy sigh.

"Oi England, I'm sorry I tried to force you to- Hey where'd the Big Mac go?" America raised an eyebrow in confusion. England froze at the sound of America behind him and tried to think of an acceptable lie.

"I-I couldn't stand the site of it so I uh through it over the fence!" England grinned, looking away in case America saw his nervousness. Luckily America never noticed.

"Oh well um I'm sorry I tried to force to eat it an all... I guess there really are some people who don't like McDonald's." He shrugged and gave England a hug from behind. "Oh yeah Canada's coming to stay here tonight too so we can all go to the meeting tomorrow together." He added still not noticing how nervous England was acting despite being so close to him.

"H-he is? Grand! Well I guess I'd better get myself cleaned up!" England squirmed his way out of America's grasp as quickly as he could and this time made it to the bathroom without America stopping him. The blonde nation heaved another large sigh and washed his face. "Get a hold of yourself!" He hissed into the mirror. "You can't let the brat know you like McDonald's, he would never let you live it down!" His reflection looked flustered. "But I need one! I'll sneak one when he's not around! Just one! The I'm off the stuff for good!" England nodded, pleased with his small plan of action.

Canada arrived later with Kumijiro just as planned, oblivious to what had gone on in the house earlier. They shared a pleasant evening together though the entire time England was trying his best not to get flustered by America in case he figured it out. Thankfully neither him nor Canada could guess what was wrong with him.

England and America shared a bed that night while Canada used the spare room. That morning America woke to find his human pillow had gone and he yawned loudly. "Iggy? Where are you?" He was basically blind without his glasses. England walked into the room dressed in his usual suit and glared at America who was still in his boxers. (American flag styled) America smiled lazily and put his glasses on, bringing the England nation into focus.

"Get up now git or we'll be late! Oh and Canada made pancakes-" At the mention of food America was up and running downstairs before England could say anything else. He heard Canada's distressed cry of 'Maple!' as his brother came bounding into the dinning room practically naked and smirked. Today was the day he would have his second and last burger from McDonald's.

* * *

"And so I think we should take our lunch break now seeing as America looks like he's about to explode and Russia is... smiling at me, aru." China said, as this was indeed true. America was hungry as hell! And he knew where he was going to eat while Russia stared at China with a large smile on his face. This both crept China out and unnerved him. France stood with his hand raised.

"I support this notion," he smirked and wriggled his eyebrows at England who returned the look with a scowl. America wrapped his arm protectively around England's shoulders and joined him in glaring at France; though now England was blushing which caused France to smirk even more. Canada smiled and watched the other nations make idiots of themselves as he faded into the background.

"Haha, everyone's so lively." He whispered.

"Who are you?" Kumijiro asked.

"Canada..." The blonde said in an even quieter voice.

England escaped France and America while they were arguing and headed outside. This was his chance! Now when America was busy with the French nation he could go and get his last burger. He strode into the nearest McDonald's he could find and waited in line. "Is it always this packed?" He mumbled to his self as he waited. When it was finally his turn England started to get nervous.

"How may I help yah?" The girl behind the counter asked. England scanned the selections and decided to just go with what he knew.

"Uh .. C-can I please get a ... B-big Mac?" He asked tentatively. The girl nodded and put the order into the computer system.

"One Big Mac." She said into the microphone. England winced as everyone heard his order. "Ok that will be $5.40" England dug into his pockets and brought out the $20 that America had given him to use for lunch.

"Er.. Here you go" He muttered and handed over the money. The girl opened the register, placed the money in and pulled out the change.

"That's $14.60 change, next!"

England took his change and moved off to the side. "So close," He murmured and licked his lips.

"Hey Iggy that you?" A loud voice called behind him. England could feel whatever sanity he had left flee. He spun around to see America walking over, a confused look on his face.

"A-America! Fancy seeing you here!" He beamed, blushing faintly. America stopped in front of him.

"What are you doing here Iggy? I thought you didn't like McDonald's" He raised an eyebrow in question before a look dawned on his face. "...England do you like McDonald's?" England felt panic rising in his chest and improvised with anger. That always seemed to work.

"Bloody git! Don't get the wrong idea I will always hate McDonald's! I uh came here for you, seeing as you were busy with France I came and got you something." England yelled and turned as the Big Mac he ordered was placed on the counter. He grabbed it and thrust it into America's hands. "I would never eat something so disgustingly vile!" America looked truly touched that England had bought him a Big Mac. "D-don't look so happy about it as this is the first and last time I'll ever be doing this for you brat!" America laughed and pulled England into a tight hug.

"Thanks Iggy! I'll never forget this!"

"S-stop calling me Iggy! It's not my name." England growled but inside he was truly glad that America hadn't found out his secret. America chuckled and opened the paper wrapping of the Big Mac, easily eating it in a few bites. England tried his best not to look as the burger he'd wanted so desperately for himself disappeared into the gullet of the American nation. He tried even harder to stop himself drooling at the mere smell of McDonald's and suggested that they get the 'bloody hell' out of the fast food restaurant.

In the end England didn't get another chance to buy a Big Mac as America had stuck with him the entire lunch break. (Though he didn't actually get any lunch and was forced to continue on hungry)

The meeting finished around 6 o'clock (later then usual) and everyone started to leave.

"America, may I have a word with you aru?" China asked. America gave him his hero smile and nodded.

"You head home without me England, I won't be long." He kissed the shorter nations head before walking over to China. England was about to hurl some abuse at America when it hit him. Now was his chance to FINALLY get the Big Mac he'd been waiting all day for! It was perfect! With a smirk England left the meeting room and hurried, this time to a different McDonald's, to buy the burger.

His stomach growled rather audibly as he waited in yet another line. "Maybe I need more then just a Big Mac." England pondered. "Maybe a Quarter pounder too? Or a cheeseburger! And fries?" His mouth watered at the thought and he suddenly felt compelled to make his last McDonald's meal a large one.

When it was his turn he ordered a gargantuan amount of food. He doubted even America himself could eat it all... or maybe he could. England decided not to think about it as he paid (using his card) for his last meal. The boy at the counter had politely refrained from commenting on the English nations amount of food and gave him the two full bags. "Have nice evening sir." He said in a rather bored voice. "Next..."

England was grinning now; delighted to have finally gotten the meal he had been anticipating all day. It didn't take long to reach America's house and he didn't see any lights on which meant that neither America nor Canada were home. England chuckled to himself, very pleased with how the evening was turning out. He placed the bags on the table and started to pull out the various burgers along with a small fries and a small coke. "Ok," He smiled. "Time to eat." He said as he took his first bite.

America yawned loudly as he walked home. China had been fretting about Russia and his constant staring and had asked America to help him should Russia decide to try anything. America had agreed and promised him that as a hero he would help those in need. (Though secretly he didn't think Russia was going to do anything... overly horrible to China... Nothing that China wouldn't eventually consent to anyways) All the lights save the living rooms lights were off at his house he noticed as e reached the front door. He blinked, as his front door was unlocked, finding it strange that a man who had constantly warned him to lock his doors had left it unlocked. "Unless..." America rushed into the living room, scared that England could be in danger, however, the sight that greeted his eyes was far more valuable.

England lay on the floor surrounded by McDonald's wrappers, mayonnaise and tomato sauce on his face and his stomach bulging. America smirked and walked over to the shorter nation and prodded him in the stomach. The response he got was a groan as England rolled over onto his side, attempting to get away from the hand. "So... This is how I find my Iggy when i get home is it?" He said in a loud, mocking voice. England's eyebrows knitted together as his face turned into a scowl.

"I told you git, don't call me-" The Brits eyes flew open to look at America, guilt written all over his face and gut. "I uhh.... bloody hell I don't know how to explain my self..." England looked away sheepishly.

"Just say I was right," America snickered. England glared at him indignantly.

"Like I would ever admit that you of all people were right!" He huffed and winced from his overly full stomach. America smiled sweetly and prodded the poor nation's stomach once again, causing him to groan louder. "Ok, ok! Y-you were right! I do love McDonald's! Now leave me to die in peace stupid twat!" America chuckled and leaned over England's face, licking some of the condiments off his cheeks. England blushed furiously but he couldn't move much as he was still bloated.

"Mm I'm lovin' it~" America teased and earned himself a dark glare from England.

"Sod of!" He hissed and rolled so that his back was facing America.

"I love you too Iggy~" The younger nation lay down next to England and pulled him back into a hug... a hug that was perhaps just a little too tight.

"Oh god I'm going to puke..."

"Crap! Not on my floor!"

* * *

**For those who know and understand the workings of Spongebob Squarepants... here is a fic for you xD This is a parody of Just One Bite, I watched it again the other day and thought... this reminds me of England :D and McDonald's And America! And Canada's in there somewhere... Some of the things that they say are quotes off the episode because it just wouldn't be Spongebob without them!**

**I do not own Hetalia or Spongebob! Otherwise this wouldn't be here~ **

**Btw if you have not seen Just One Bite… ****.**** go check it out : D**


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